No Limits, No Control

Jarmusch's latest is a throwback to his early, pre-Ghost Dog days. You remember -- back when his films were worth watching.

Sure, it's a two-hour meander, following an uncommunicative character around Spain in a series of amusingly repetitive spy-movie encounters. Plot and character are superfluous: one gets the impression that Jarmusch is speaking directly to the audience through the various set-pieces, rather than trying to capture an elusive mood or idea.

What violence and crime (or is it politics?) there is remains completely stylized. And not stylized in an unconvincing, "I've never seen a real fight" Fassbinder way. Stylized in a "you get the idea, we don't need to show it" way.

Slow. Pointless. Clever. Enjoyable.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

The Limits of Control (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [**___]

The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai

Guaranteed to be the only film you'll see where the (cloned) fonger of George W Bush is a major character!

Sachiko Hanai is a call girl specializing in teacher fetishes. In the course of killing time between clients, she gets innocent-bystandered in a shootout at a cafe. The bullet lodges in her forebrain, unlocking (in defiance of all known neuroscience) her latent potential and turning her into a supergenius.

The finger of George Bush penetrates her, er, consciousness and delivers a message: she must track down a stolen Doomsday Device before the bad guys do.

Not surprisingly, Sachiko Hanai proved itself well-suited to repeat viewings.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Hatsujô kateikyôshi: sensei no aijiru (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]

Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [*****]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [*____]

Most enduring exclamation: Noam Chomsky!

Unexpected sexual advice: The Bush Technique

Killing Time (24/7)

The first thing you say to yourself when watching this film is "Wait, it's not dubbed."

The second is "Holy crap, does that guy piss a lot!"

Jake is a hired killer (more glorified terms such as hitman or assassin would imply some sort of skill or planning involved in his work) who lives (and sleeps?) with his sister. Sex, violence, and family issues with the more bloody scenes curiously replaced with low-quality animation.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Killing Time (24/7) (IMDB)

Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]

Serenity

I never can put my finger on why I don't like Joss Wedon's stuff.

Maybe it's the unnatural dialog, or the poor direction given to the actors. Maybe it's the clumsy plots and the seen-it-coming-a-mile-away humor. Maybe it's because everything he does feels like it's fan service, even when it's a new show or film that shouldn't have any fans yet. One gets the feeling that the scripts are written purely for obsessives to pump their fists to and yell "yeah!" whenever in the 110th viewing their favorite character does something predictably within character.

The worst thing is, Serenity *should* work. It's got a Civil war analogy, different levels of technology, an authoritarian democratic regime, cannibals, a prostitute, a teenage girl who's a lunatic killing machine. What's not to like?

The writing, I guess.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Serenity (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [_____]
Explicability : [***__]

No Country For Old Men

Grim. Life is cheap and can be taken at any time, without fuss or effort.

The Coen brothers' latest film can in no way be construed as uplifting. The humor that runs through their other films is mostly lacking, replaced by a merciless eye for detail and an almost sociopathic lack of concern for the fate of any of the characters.

The plot is straightforward: guy stumbles across a drug deal gone sour, guy decides to make off with the less-than-sour proceeds, guy gets hunted down by a psychopath with a silenced shotgun. It soon becomes clear that the hunter and the hunted are a fairly even match on many levels, though as usual in these guys' films, nothing quite turns out as expected. Tommy Lee Jones stars as the world-weary sheriff who can do nothing but watch it all unfold.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

No Country For Old Men, or 101 Uses for Compressed Air

Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [_____] There is nothing sexy about this movie.
Obscurity : [_____]
Explicability : [****_]

Turtles Swim Faster Than Expected

This is the story of a woman so ordinary, so hard to pick out of a crowd, that she is recruited to be a spy (by the Chinese or something). She has a brief existential crisis, unsure how to act ordinary now that it's her job.

There is no way to summarize this gem. Surrounded by offbeat characters (a cook with a talent for flavorless ramen, a ginkgo-nut-chewing tofu vendor, a dancing hairstylist, a pair of calisthenic cops, and a plumber who is far too eager to talk about his work), she wanders through life with no purpose other than feeding her husband's turtle until suddenly, given a purpose, she wanders through life reminiscing about her past.

Fun, wacky, somewhat typically Japanese fare.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Turtles Swim Faster Than Expected (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]

Scene I'd watch on endless loop: Azuki panda! Hue-hue-he-he-he.

Dog Bite Dog

Sometimes a guy gets off a hard day's work and just wants to get home without running into every damn delay and distraction the world can throw at him. Such is the case in this film, with the guy being a Cambodian assassin raised in a feral child-fighting pit, his work the assassination of a judge's wife, and the delays and distractions are members of the Hong Kong PD. After working his way through a fair number of these obstacles, the hit man earns the ire of one distraction in particular, who then tracks him down for revenge.

Featuring gritty urban landscapes, a highly stylized knife-fight, and the sort of found-object fu that you would expect from a gladiator-turned-hired killer.

* * * R A T I N G * * *
Dog Bite Dog (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]

What I would do different: Having the true bad guy appear at the closing scene would have been a nice touch.

Things you probably won't see anywhere else:
* A Datsun! A DATSUN!!!
* "You got your cop blood in my hit-man blood!" "You got your hit-man blood in my cop blood!"
* A 24-hour dentist