Jarmusch's latest is a throwback to his early, pre-Ghost Dog days. You remember -- back when his films were worth watching.
Sure, it's a two-hour meander, following an uncommunicative character around Spain in a series of amusingly repetitive spy-movie encounters. Plot and character are superfluous: one gets the impression that Jarmusch is speaking directly to the audience through the various set-pieces, rather than trying to capture an elusive mood or idea.
What violence and crime (or is it politics?) there is remains completely stylized. And not stylized in an unconvincing, "I've never seen a real fight" Fassbinder way. Stylized in a "you get the idea, we don't need to show it" way.
Slow. Pointless. Clever. Enjoyable.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Limits of Control (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [**___]
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label film. Show all posts
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Teeth
Ah yes, the vagina dentata. Feared foe of virile young men since... some time ago when they spoke Latin.
The story is straightforward, as one would expect: girl is born with two sets of teeth, reaches adolescence, and every boy with less than pure intentions gets emasculated with extreme prejudice. Yawn.
Good script, good visuals, and some jabs at abstinence-only education end up making this film a lot more enjoyable than it would seem. The vagina dentata itself does not, alas, make an on-screen appearance, which is a bit disturbing given the number of dismembered members bouncing around the floor, but understandable once the director has explained that his mentor was Camille Paglia.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Teeth (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
The story is straightforward, as one would expect: girl is born with two sets of teeth, reaches adolescence, and every boy with less than pure intentions gets emasculated with extreme prejudice. Yawn.
Good script, good visuals, and some jabs at abstinence-only education end up making this film a lot more enjoyable than it would seem. The vagina dentata itself does not, alas, make an on-screen appearance, which is a bit disturbing given the number of dismembered members bouncing around the floor, but understandable once the director has explained that his mentor was Camille Paglia.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Teeth (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Mindflesh
A cab driver obsessively records his sightings of a hallucinatory woman, who he ends up having sex with, and who turns out to be his own mind, the (truly) inexplicable result of his mother having drunken sex with him and then killing herself. This (the sex with the woman, that is, his own mind) pisses off the guardians of the galaxy (or dimension or plane or whatnot), ostensibly because he is not facing his trauma (but is instead shagging it?), so they start killing off his friends/acquaintances/former employers in order to make him "face his trauma" (this is the only clear part, as it is repeated ad nauseum towards the end), which he does at the end (by remembering his mom having sex with him) just in time to save his ex-girlfriend, patch up his relationship with her, and mail off his manuscript (which is undoubtedly the screenplay for the film).
That about sums it up. The film starts off well, good psychosexual-thriller or whatever it calls itself, but unravels horribly when it attempts to explain what is going on. Everything but the kitchen sink gets thrown in by the end, in an apparent attempt to impress the viewer with the sheer number of concepts introduced. Tough to imagine the chemical cocktail that drove this screenplay, though the tendency of each scene to ignore the entire rest of the movie argues against anything they give the kids for ADD.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mindflesh (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [********...there's not enough beer in the world.
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Notable visuals: Maggot crotch.
That about sums it up. The film starts off well, good psychosexual-thriller or whatever it calls itself, but unravels horribly when it attempts to explain what is going on. Everything but the kitchen sink gets thrown in by the end, in an apparent attempt to impress the viewer with the sheer number of concepts introduced. Tough to imagine the chemical cocktail that drove this screenplay, though the tendency of each scene to ignore the entire rest of the movie argues against anything they give the kids for ADD.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mindflesh (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [********...there's not enough beer in the world.
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Notable visuals: Maggot crotch.
Goodbye, Dragon Inn
When a director like Ming-liang Tsai produces a personal ode to the bygone days of theatergoing, you know you're in for a long, slow ride -- and Goodbye, Dragon Inn does not disappoint.
It's hard to describe this film as bad: it is beautifully shot, well-acted, and exudes quality craftsmanship. At the same time, it is pretentious garbage: nothing happens, there is no real story, it is entirely a mood piece. The first line of dialog is about 45 minutes into the film, and the end features an overlong (roughly 10 minutes) shot of the empty movie theater. The film is hard to love, and hard to hate.
The DVD, however, has a nice extra: The Skywalk Is Gone, which serves to link What Time Is It There and The Wayward Cloud (including the audition of Hsiao-kang for his first porn film).
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bu San (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [_____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Best running gag: The unlit cigarette.
It's hard to describe this film as bad: it is beautifully shot, well-acted, and exudes quality craftsmanship. At the same time, it is pretentious garbage: nothing happens, there is no real story, it is entirely a mood piece. The first line of dialog is about 45 minutes into the film, and the end features an overlong (roughly 10 minutes) shot of the empty movie theater. The film is hard to love, and hard to hate.
The DVD, however, has a nice extra: The Skywalk Is Gone, which serves to link What Time Is It There and The Wayward Cloud (including the audition of Hsiao-kang for his first porn film).
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bu San (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [_____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Best running gag: The unlit cigarette.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Shamo
This adaptation of a manga about a fighter would have been better served by abandoning its source material entirely. The story (a young man gets sent to prison for killing his parents and emerges a tough martial artist) and the character (a vicious, wronged thug who lacks the wits or skill to win a match) are good enough to sustain interest, but the exposition and the lack of any cohesion to the scenes ultimately make the film a bit of a disappointment.
From the director of Dog Bite Dog, one would expect a gritty, grim tale, and indeed one is provided: Shamo must mean "shat upon by society". Nice touches abound throughout: the Johnny Walker-swilling sensei, the gaudily-dressed prostitute love(?)-interest, and even The Beast (Kung Fu Hustle) as the head of the top martial arts gym.
Ranks with Zebraman for one of the best martial arts finishing moves out there.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Shamo (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
From the director of Dog Bite Dog, one would expect a gritty, grim tale, and indeed one is provided: Shamo must mean "shat upon by society". Nice touches abound throughout: the Johnny Walker-swilling sensei, the gaudily-dressed prostitute love(?)-interest, and even The Beast (Kung Fu Hustle) as the head of the top martial arts gym.
Ranks with Zebraman for one of the best martial arts finishing moves out there.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Shamo (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
The Most Beautiful Night in the World
What does one expect, exactly, from a three-hour movie about sex?
Well, certainly not two hours of a newly-transferred reporter trying to earn his way back to the city by finding a scoop on any one of the village locals.
The story basically goes as follows. Many years ago, the Jomon tribe maintained an paralleled birth rate due to their use of powerful aphrodisiacs. Eventually, they were slaughtered by jealous neighboring tribes who weren't getting laid. Years later, a medium with a lethal embrace and a terrorist master of the art of hung fu rediscover the source of the Jomon's power.
There's a lot going on in this movie, but very little to tell: it's good, it's fun, it's unique, and it makes you want to save the world through shagging.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Most Beautiful Night in the World (NYAFF)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Catchphrase: Jomon Power!
Well, certainly not two hours of a newly-transferred reporter trying to earn his way back to the city by finding a scoop on any one of the village locals.
The story basically goes as follows. Many years ago, the Jomon tribe maintained an paralleled birth rate due to their use of powerful aphrodisiacs. Eventually, they were slaughtered by jealous neighboring tribes who weren't getting laid. Years later, a medium with a lethal embrace and a terrorist master of the art of hung fu rediscover the source of the Jomon's power.
There's a lot going on in this movie, but very little to tell: it's good, it's fun, it's unique, and it makes you want to save the world through shagging.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Most Beautiful Night in the World (NYAFF)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Catchphrase: Jomon Power!
Mad Detective
A detective solves crimes by a combination of method acting and being able to see people's true selves. Of course, he can also see his former wife, and nobody else can -- but that doesn't mean he's crazy, right?
Things get interesting when the obvious villain of the piece appears, all seven personalities (played by some Johnnie To regulars) in tow. The Mad Detective teams up with a young, ambitious cop to help him solve the case of ... the Missing Gun. Well, the case involves a Murdered Policeman as well, but no-one seems to care, really.
Good crazy police fun, if a bit disorderly at times.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sun taam (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Things get interesting when the obvious villain of the piece appears, all seven personalities (played by some Johnnie To regulars) in tow. The Mad Detective teams up with a young, ambitious cop to help him solve the case of ... the Missing Gun. Well, the case involves a Murdered Policeman as well, but no-one seems to care, really.
Good crazy police fun, if a bit disorderly at times.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sun taam (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
The Butcher
How bad is bad? Pretty bad, apparently.
Shot in POV on a low-resolution camera, this grainy mess had the potential to be a convincing simu-snuff film: five victims with cameras tied to their heads await their turn to be tortured, in pairs, as evidence of the head honcho's cinematic genius.
All of the elements of good torture porn are here: the (too-long) buildup as the victims hear their companions be slaughtered (albeit rather quickly), the "do or die" session where a victim is granted his freedom if he can stand the pain, and the inevitable loss of loyalty to friends, family, and country that comes with being tortured. And a gimp^H^H^H^Hbutcher in a pig's mask whose special technique has less to do with a chainsaw and more to do with a grunting prison nightmare.
Unfortunately, the first two thirds of this movie are wasted in a POV shot of someone's feet accompanied by frantic panting noises, and the last third is wasted in a POV shot of someone driving a car. Sandwiched in between, briefly, are a couple of bloody but not terribly cringeworthy scenes involving a chainsaw (who the hell tortures with a chainsaw, anyways?), a hammer, and a knife. Nope, not even a scalpel.
Oh, and expect the usual unconvincing acting (even in Korean!) and poor subtitles.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Butcher (NYAFF)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____] (**, depending on your tastes)
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Shot in POV on a low-resolution camera, this grainy mess had the potential to be a convincing simu-snuff film: five victims with cameras tied to their heads await their turn to be tortured, in pairs, as evidence of the head honcho's cinematic genius.
All of the elements of good torture porn are here: the (too-long) buildup as the victims hear their companions be slaughtered (albeit rather quickly), the "do or die" session where a victim is granted his freedom if he can stand the pain, and the inevitable loss of loyalty to friends, family, and country that comes with being tortured. And a gimp^H^H^H^Hbutcher in a pig's mask whose special technique has less to do with a chainsaw and more to do with a grunting prison nightmare.
Unfortunately, the first two thirds of this movie are wasted in a POV shot of someone's feet accompanied by frantic panting noises, and the last third is wasted in a POV shot of someone driving a car. Sandwiched in between, briefly, are a couple of bloody but not terribly cringeworthy scenes involving a chainsaw (who the hell tortures with a chainsaw, anyways?), a hammer, and a knife. Nope, not even a scalpel.
Oh, and expect the usual unconvincing acting (even in Korean!) and poor subtitles.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Butcher (NYAFF)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____] (**, depending on your tastes)
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Big Man Japan
Monster mockumentary about a film crew following the last of the 'Dai Nipponjin': Japanese men who, when hooked up to a power plant, grow to the size of giant monsters to defend Tokyo from the likes of Godzilla.
Times have changed, though, and the latest Dai Nipponjin commands none of the respect of his predecessors. And let's face it: he doesn't deserve it. He's dumb as a brick, he can't fight, he never trains, and his opponents could be soundly defeated by ... well, by him, or really anyone in the area who takes an interest.
Eventually the film crew becomes as disgusted with him as his agent is, and their coverage becomes more candid (and thus more humiliating) as the film goes on. We're not dealing with a sympathetic underdog, here; by the end of the film, you're rooting for his defeat along with the entire population of Tokyo.
The climax of the film arrives with Dai Nipponjin's great moment of truth, paving the way for a deus-ex-machine ending which, while gathering the largest laughs in the film, doesn't quite convince you that the producers stayed within budget.
Very fun, instant classic, all that. You'll be calling everything a Baddie after this one.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Dai Nipponjin (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____] (*** for Stinky Baddies)
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Times have changed, though, and the latest Dai Nipponjin commands none of the respect of his predecessors. And let's face it: he doesn't deserve it. He's dumb as a brick, he can't fight, he never trains, and his opponents could be soundly defeated by ... well, by him, or really anyone in the area who takes an interest.
Eventually the film crew becomes as disgusted with him as his agent is, and their coverage becomes more candid (and thus more humiliating) as the film goes on. We're not dealing with a sympathetic underdog, here; by the end of the film, you're rooting for his defeat along with the entire population of Tokyo.
The climax of the film arrives with Dai Nipponjin's great moment of truth, paving the way for a deus-ex-machine ending which, while gathering the largest laughs in the film, doesn't quite convince you that the producers stayed within budget.
Very fun, instant classic, all that. You'll be calling everything a Baddie after this one.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Dai Nipponjin (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____] (*** for Stinky Baddies)
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Chanbara Beauty
Inspired by a video game, y'say? Hard to tell.
There's only one way to ruin a movie about a bikini-clad cowgirl slicing up zombies in a post-apocalyptic world as she hunts down her Japanese-schoolgirl rival, and that's with exposition. Slow, plodding exposition in and around every fight scene. Which themselves are filmed in the jerky digicam style that works well for riots, gang beatings and zombies, but which screams "We couldn't get a choreographer!" when applied to martial arts.
The action is dull, the attempts to further the plot are worse, the zombies oscillate between skilled/intelligent and slow-moving/dull-witted without any discernible pattern, the bikini is too large and the sword is too small. There's just not much to like here, even the tacked-on manga-style ending.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
OneChanbara (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
There's only one way to ruin a movie about a bikini-clad cowgirl slicing up zombies in a post-apocalyptic world as she hunts down her Japanese-schoolgirl rival, and that's with exposition. Slow, plodding exposition in and around every fight scene. Which themselves are filmed in the jerky digicam style that works well for riots, gang beatings and zombies, but which screams "We couldn't get a choreographer!" when applied to martial arts.
The action is dull, the attempts to further the plot are worse, the zombies oscillate between skilled/intelligent and slow-moving/dull-witted without any discernible pattern, the bikini is too large and the sword is too small. There's just not much to like here, even the tacked-on manga-style ending.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
OneChanbara (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
Adrift in Tokyo
The people behind Turtles Swim Faster Than Expected bring this similarly absurdist, more pointless tale of a walkabout.
A perpetual student who is behind in his debts is visited by a collection agent who, having killed his wife and decided to surrender himself to the police, offers to forgive the debt in exchange for company on his walk to the police station.
The result is an ambling tour of Tokyo as the two characters reminisce and encounter individuals of all sorts: a violent tatami-mat vendor, an elderly costumed locker room thief, well-known actor Ittoku Kishibe, a vengeful watch repairman, a baby hippopotamus, and a roller-skating guitarist. In fact, the only people they don't run into are the three coworkers of his wife (the spy couple and ramen chef from Turtles), who try to track her down in the midst of life's daily distractions (e.g. hair smelling funny, being cast as extras in a film, etc).
Unfortunately the leisurely stroll ends about halfway through the film, as the characters bond and try to reach some form of resolution.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tenten(NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]
A perpetual student who is behind in his debts is visited by a collection agent who, having killed his wife and decided to surrender himself to the police, offers to forgive the debt in exchange for company on his walk to the police station.
The result is an ambling tour of Tokyo as the two characters reminisce and encounter individuals of all sorts: a violent tatami-mat vendor, an elderly costumed locker room thief, well-known actor Ittoku Kishibe, a vengeful watch repairman, a baby hippopotamus, and a roller-skating guitarist. In fact, the only people they don't run into are the three coworkers of his wife (the spy couple and ramen chef from Turtles), who try to track her down in the midst of life's daily distractions (e.g. hair smelling funny, being cast as extras in a film, etc).
Unfortunately the leisurely stroll ends about halfway through the film, as the characters bond and try to reach some form of resolution.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tenten(NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Mandingo
Lame Hammond Maxwell goes to town and buys a proper Mandingo slave named Mede (beating a lonely German woman at the bidding), who he trains to be a fighter. Hammond has a thing for the female slaves himself, and his jealous wife decides to reciprocate by forcing herself on the strapping young buck. Hijinks, hilarity, and a bunch of other h-words ensue.
Standout performance by James Mason as straight-talking patriarch Warren Maxwell, whose untimely death was cheered by the bulk of the audience I saw this with, and sadly lamented by myself. Ingrained racist though he was, Maxwell seemed to be the only character in the film with a lick of good sense.
All sorts of good stuff in this one: bloodsport, slavery, mint juleps, abortions, lynchings. A real trip to the dilapidated mansions down south.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mandingo (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Scene Stealer: Topaz!
Standout performance by James Mason as straight-talking patriarch Warren Maxwell, whose untimely death was cheered by the bulk of the audience I saw this with, and sadly lamented by myself. Ingrained racist though he was, Maxwell seemed to be the only character in the film with a lick of good sense.
All sorts of good stuff in this one: bloodsport, slavery, mint juleps, abortions, lynchings. A real trip to the dilapidated mansions down south.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mandingo (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Scene Stealer: Topaz!
The Wayward Cloud
The master of the long take brings us his Ode To The Watermelon: a musical about love, lust, pronography, crabs, drought, and urban alienation.
There is truly no way to do this film justice with simple narrative. If you haven't seen it, run right out and to the following:
1. Buy a watermelon
2. Find a victim
3. Watch The Wayward Cloud
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tian bian yi duo yun (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*****]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Awards:
*Best integration of a random corpse (or, at the risk of overusing the phrase, the application of Chekov's Corpse, as you know exactly where it will end up) into the storyline.
* Least quotable. Was there any dialog that didn't consist of grunting?
Best Musical Sequence: The umbrellas or the plungers? The plungers, definitely. Though the umbrella song is far superior.
There is truly no way to do this film justice with simple narrative. If you haven't seen it, run right out and to the following:
1. Buy a watermelon
2. Find a victim
3. Watch The Wayward Cloud
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tian bian yi duo yun (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*****]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Awards:
*Best integration of a random corpse (or, at the risk of overusing the phrase, the application of Chekov's Corpse, as you know exactly where it will end up) into the storyline.
* Least quotable. Was there any dialog that didn't consist of grunting?
Best Musical Sequence: The umbrellas or the plungers? The plungers, definitely. Though the umbrella song is far superior.
Gangster VIP
Fresh-from-prison (on a murder rap!) yakuza Goro returns to his turf and finds things radically changed: his gang are now losers, getting the short end of the stick from the other gangs.
After things get bad and Goro loses a finger, he decides to force a confrontation with a rival gang, which doesn't seem to have been a good plan in retrospect.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Burai yori daikanbu (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [*____]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]
Reality Check: Flailing about in the mud is the new martial art school, eh? Really hands it to those in the hitting-like-a-girl school.
Lessons Learned: When trading your finger for the release of your friend, demand to see him first.
After things get bad and Goro loses a finger, he decides to force a confrontation with a rival gang, which doesn't seem to have been a good plan in retrospect.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Burai yori daikanbu (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [*____]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]
Reality Check: Flailing about in the mud is the new martial art school, eh? Really hands it to those in the hitting-like-a-girl school.
Lessons Learned: When trading your finger for the release of your friend, demand to see him first.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Donnie Darko
Ever have one of those days where a jet engine destroys your room and a man in a bunny suit starts advising criminal activity? Young Donnie has them all the time.
OK, cult classic, coming of age film, the high-school trauma of misfits, blah blah blah. The film is successful in portraying its sociopathic protagonist in a sympathetic light. There's an end-of-the-world thread with no payoff, and a rather vague and hand-wavy time travel (or rather, hole in the fabric of space and time) wrap-up at the end.
All in all, enjoyable to watch once, but probably not more than that, and certainly a little disappointing after all of the hype (or whatever the cult film equivalent is) these past few years.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Donnie Darko (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [**___]
Standout bits: Cool bunny costume.
OK, cult classic, coming of age film, the high-school trauma of misfits, blah blah blah. The film is successful in portraying its sociopathic protagonist in a sympathetic light. There's an end-of-the-world thread with no payoff, and a rather vague and hand-wavy time travel (or rather, hole in the fabric of space and time) wrap-up at the end.
All in all, enjoyable to watch once, but probably not more than that, and certainly a little disappointing after all of the hype (or whatever the cult film equivalent is) these past few years.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Donnie Darko (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [**___]
Standout bits: Cool bunny costume.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Caramel
A romantic comedy centered around a beauty shop (and the crazy homeless lady next door).
It seems odd to label a Lebanese rom-com formulaic, but so it is: the non-virgin must find a way to appear pure on her wedding night, a woman having an affair with a married man cannot get him to leave his wife for her, a lesbian hairdresser is looking for love, and so on.
The titular caramel is used for hair removal, offering the only painful scenes in the film.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sukkar banat (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [_____]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
It seems odd to label a Lebanese rom-com formulaic, but so it is: the non-virgin must find a way to appear pure on her wedding night, a woman having an affair with a married man cannot get him to leave his wife for her, a lesbian hairdresser is looking for love, and so on.
The titular caramel is used for hair removal, offering the only painful scenes in the film.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sukkar banat (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [_____]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Naked
Young everyman (ha! just kidding) Johnny flees Manchester after raping a barfly and makes his way down to the big smoke in a stolen car. He shows up at on an ex-girlfriend's doorstep, hooking up with her and her roommate before the two of them drive him crazy and send him back out on the streets.
What follows is a series of largely unconnected episodes that serve as a character study of the feckless drifter: commiserating with a Scottish lout, bantering with a security guard, seducing various unsuspecting females, drunken encounters with scattered laborers, thugs, and his ex-girlfriend's sex-crazed yuppie landlord.
The quality of the dialog is what makes this film top-notch: quick-witted enough to entertain, incisive enough to leave a mark. A slice o' life out of Merry Ol' E.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Naked (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
What follows is a series of largely unconnected episodes that serve as a character study of the feckless drifter: commiserating with a Scottish lout, bantering with a security guard, seducing various unsuspecting females, drunken encounters with scattered laborers, thugs, and his ex-girlfriend's sex-crazed yuppie landlord.
The quality of the dialog is what makes this film top-notch: quick-witted enough to entertain, incisive enough to leave a mark. A slice o' life out of Merry Ol' E.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Naked (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
Blood Diner
Two brothers open a vegetarian diner (well, it serves vegetarians, often to other vegetarians) after exhuming their sorcerer/serial-killer father and transplanting his still-living eyes and brain into a jar in order to guide them in their virgin-mutilating (and sewing back together) quest to reincarnate the five-million-year-old goddess Shitar.
Quite a mouthful, eh? And I didn't even mention the zombie-rock concert finale!
This film truly has everything. A must-see, and see-again.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Blood Diner (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Reality Check: Wait, the human race is HOW old again?
Character Most Likely to be Reborn as a WWF Star: Little Jimmy Hitler
Things I've Never Seen Before: Did he just cut off his own penis and threaten to use it as a weapon?
Other Notable Moments:
* Ouch! Killed by a deep fryer in the most horrible head-battered fashion!
* Who is manning that ventriloquist dummy?
* Topless Aerobics! Yay!
* Another Hitler?
* It's the build-your-own-cheerleader store!
* "The killer was last seen with a knife in one hand, and his genitals in the other."
Quite a mouthful, eh? And I didn't even mention the zombie-rock concert finale!
This film truly has everything. A must-see, and see-again.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Blood Diner (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Reality Check: Wait, the human race is HOW old again?
Character Most Likely to be Reborn as a WWF Star: Little Jimmy Hitler
Things I've Never Seen Before: Did he just cut off his own penis and threaten to use it as a weapon?
Other Notable Moments:
* Ouch! Killed by a deep fryer in the most horrible head-battered fashion!
* Who is manning that ventriloquist dummy?
* Topless Aerobics! Yay!
* Another Hitler?
* It's the build-your-own-cheerleader store!
* "The killer was last seen with a knife in one hand, and his genitals in the other."
Bab'Aziz
A blind dervish and his (naturally precocious) grand-daughter set out into the desert to attend a dervish reunion that occurs every 30 years. Being dervishes, they naturally have no map and no plan; each sets out in a different direction to find his own path to the reunion. To keep the story moving, Bab'Aziz and his grand-daughter encounter a number of characters in their journey, including a brother bent on revenge, a man who jumps into wells seeking the kingdom of his dreams, and a musician searching for the woman who stole his passport (and, of course, his heart).
The heart of the film is its "the journey is the destination" theme, though it is beautifully-shot and has an excellent soundtrack. The Sufi mysticism is watered-down to an almost Arabian Nights-level fantasy, which serves to make the film a bit more palatable to Westerners and irreligious types than might normally be the case.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bab'Aziz (IMDB)
Wince : [_____]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]
The heart of the film is its "the journey is the destination" theme, though it is beautifully-shot and has an excellent soundtrack. The Sufi mysticism is watered-down to an almost Arabian Nights-level fantasy, which serves to make the film a bit more palatable to Westerners and irreligious types than might normally be the case.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bab'Aziz (IMDB)
Wince : [_____]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]
The Death of Mr Lazarescu
European horror at the state of the Romanian health care system is what fuels this film. Mr Lazarescu, an aging alcoholic, calls an ambulance after getting a sharp pain in his guts, and gets shuffled from hospital to hospital as doctors refuse to treat him first due to his alcoholism, then finally because he will obviously not survive. All of this occurs in more or less real-time, making for a slow crawl of a movie.
To an American audience, the film rapidly becomes tedious, inured as we are to horror stories of the health care system in the States where the wrong limb is amputted, flesh-eating strep is contracted, and so forth. Hey, if the doctor refuses to treat you, that means he can't mess anything up, right?
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Moartea domnului Lazarescu (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
To an American audience, the film rapidly becomes tedious, inured as we are to horror stories of the health care system in the States where the wrong limb is amputted, flesh-eating strep is contracted, and so forth. Hey, if the doctor refuses to treat you, that means he can't mess anything up, right?
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Moartea domnului Lazarescu (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
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