Cloverfield

Hyped in Manhattan, hated by Ron Jeremy*, compared with Blair Witch due to its "found footage" approach.

This is a simple film: a monster is rampaging through Manhattan, the main characters are idiots, everyone dies. The film's big money shot, the head of the Statue of Liberty getting rolled down some LES street, is shown fairly early to let you know that it's time to just sit back and watch everyone get killed.

Very enjoyable, for what it is -- what it is being a monster movie with no script to speak of and a lot of shaky camera work (which, if you follow modern cinema at all, shouldn't bother you). Seeing it in Manhattan makes you leave the theater cringing, constantly on the lookout for CGI tentacle-legs to come crushing down from above.

The monster is a vague CGI thing that seems different every time it appears (oops?), the introductory party/romance scene is far too long and dull, and the character with the camera not only fails to point it in the right direction, but is so annoying that you find yourself pray he dies so that someone else can take a turn behind the lens.

All in all: fun to watch, more fun to bitch about at the pub afterwards.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Cloverfield (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [_____]
Explicability : [**___]

* Ron Jeremy does not appear in or around this film; He simply expressed His great Displeasure at a book-signing shortly after seeing this.

Brooklyn Independent Cinema : Special Shorts

The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal: A faux-documentary covering the unintentional art movement resulting from painting over graffiti. Comparisons with abstract artists are provided (and are surprisingly convincing) and three themes in the movement are identified (geometric, ghosting, and free-form), but one central theme is ignored: what the hell is with the girl on the bike?
The Subconscious Art of Graffiti Removal (IMDB)

Have You Seen This Man?: A documentary about (real, apparently) New York artist Geoff Lupo who produces flyers advertising ludicrous objects for sale: a cracker, a thumbtack, an pen cap. His somewhat stylized interactions with the people who respond to his ads (the intent being to reduce the act of commerce down to its essence, stripping the sale of any meaningful product -- though I thought that's what the stock market was for) constitute the actual work of art, which like most works of art is brought to ruin by a pretentious gallery owner.
Have You Seen This Man? (IMDB)

The Job: A fun little short about day labor. To say more would be overkill.
The Job (IMDB)

Funky Forest: First Contact excerpt: The strangest and most Japanese segment of the absurdist classic Funky Forest: First Contact (a three-h0ur endeavor for the strong of will), the tennis playing scene ("Hai! Hai!") was played in its entirety without the benefit of subtitles. Though, as the moderator pointed our afterwards, it wouldn't have made any difference. Regardless, it was fun to see this segment again.
Naisu no mori: First Contact (IMDB)

Darling Darling: A teenager, driven by his mom, arrives to pick up his date. Her dad, a horse-headed archer/guitarist, proceeds to make him feel extremely uncomfortable while he waits for her to get ready. Perhaps the best explanation of this film comes from the director's description of his original vision: a guy, with a horse's head, jumping off a stack of amplifiers and wailing on an electric guitar while fireworks go off behind him. And they say there's no good drugs any more.
Darling Darling (IMDB)

Are You The Favorite Person of Anybody?: Based on the short story 'Oranges' by Miranda July, which I read recently in October's edition of Tin House. John C Reilly stars as the interviewer asking random passers-by (fewer than in the story) the titular question.
Are You the Favorite Person of Anybody? (IMDB)

Divorce Lemonade: A quick dark comedy about a girl who wakes up to find her dad passed out drunk on the lawn of her mom's house, and must get him out of there before her mom calls the cops. What do you do when life gives you lemons? Make divorce lemonade! Which, fittingly, is blue.
Divorce Lemonade (IMDB)

Why the Anderson Children Didn't Come to Dinner: Three neurotic children (a plant-eater, a paint-by-number painter, and an obsessive flusher) are served increasingly horrific dishes by their mother over the course of a day. The proposed main course for dinner proves more than they can endure, and each finds their own escape from the house. Very well done, probably the second-best film shown.
Why the Anderson Children Didn't Come to Dinner (IMDB)

Lift: The cream of this crop. Dominique Pinon stars as a lift operator who never leaves his lift, and who has fallen in love with a typist on the 20th floor. He attempts to seduce her with anonymous letters while dealing with the random passengers who board his machine.
Lift (IMDB) (WWW)

What Would Jesus Buy

Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping star in this coverage of the 2006 (?) Christmas season. They tour the country, preaching and singing the message "Don't buy gifts, put love back into Christmas", and generally being escorted off private properties (and occasionally into jail).

Overall, it's a general anti-consumerism film: Wal-Mart is evil, don't buy anything not made in America, small-town America has no sidewalks, etc. Typically, the grey areas of these issues are ignored (What would sweatshop workers do if they weren't employed? Don't Wal-Marts low prices benefit the unemployed and disabled?), so don't expect any depth added to the debate; Reverend Billy's are pure showmanship in service of a simple message.

Still, one character ( I believe it was the Wal-Mart pastor, amusingly enough) made the good point that America has to choose between low prices and high wages; every solution is going to be double-edged. And you have to hand it to Reverend Billy and the choir: he is entertaining, and they are talented.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

What Would Jesus Buy? (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [_____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [*____]

Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Two brothers working white-collar jobs at the same firm decide to pull off a dead-easy heist: easy in, easy out, no-one gets hurt. Of course it's easy in, scary out, and a couple of people get hurt. Or dead.

The opening scene shows the heist, then slowly plays through the consequences, taking many steps back in time to illuminate the motivation behind each character. A gimmick as overused as this one can generally foul up the film, but in this case it actually works as captivating storytelling. Seemingly unimportant or trivial events take on a new meaning when presented as "OK, so this guy -- well, before I tell you the next part, let me explain what happened to him two days before that put him so much on edge".

Ultimately this movie is all about people cracking under extraordinary circumstances; a great cast under fantastic direction is ultimately what makes it succeed.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Wince : [_____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [*____]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [_____]
Explicability : [****_]

Scene-stealer: The drug-dealer. Man, those robes...

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

As if there weren't enough existential questions keeping me up nights, I've stumbled across another one: How the hell did Hollywood produce something this funny?

Most people should remember this film: when it was released, billboards and buses were plastered with advertisements for it. Which is a huge mistake, because the people who would like this type of movie are also the ones who refuse to see anything advertised via saturation bombing.

The plot is evident from the title: some guy dates a superheroine named G-Girl, breaks up with her, and suffers the fury of a wonder woman scorned. The gags can be predictable but are well timed and funny as hell; there's a car, a shark, a chainsaw, and a meteor chucked in at odd moments to keep things interesting. And Eddie Izzard has some plot to destroy G-Girl by stripping her of her powers.

All that, and a supergirl-catfight thrown in at the end. How can you go wrong?

* * * R A T I N G * * *

My Super Ex-Girlfriend (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [***__]

Murder Party

Everybody dies!

A meter mate (or whatever a male meter maid is called) finds an invitation to a Halloween party in Brooklyn, called 'The Murder Party' and advising him to come alone. It wouldn't be a movie if he just chucked it in the bin, now would it?

The party is, of course, hosted by serial killers -- in this case, narcissistic Williamsburg artists (trust me, if you've been to Open Studios, you've seen half this movie) looking to get a grant by performing murder-as-Art. They tie ol' DeadMeat up and play Truth or Dare with Scopolamine, which is of course where the cracks in the group start to show. And, of course, Everybody Dies.

The film is a bit slow, taking over an hour for anything to really happen, but it's a nice buildup . The humor is a bit of a slow-burn as well; there are few laugh-at-loud moments, but much that sticks with you. This could be a flaw in the scriptwriting, as the idea is more amusing than the execution, but the movie is entertaining regardless, and the performances are all quite solid.

Good one to watch while gearing up for that Halloween party.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Murder Party (IMDB)

Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]

Kudos: How many horror films set in NYC recognize that murder and torture pale in comparison to losing your Metrocard?

Show-stealer: Despite the strong performances of the self-absorbed Lexi, the sneering Alexander, and "kill me"-eyed Chris, it is Gameboy-fixated Bill who ultimately makes the movie.

Scene I'd watch on endless loop: The Art Room. For the art. Really.

Most dreaded event that didn't happen: I was truly frightened that the film would have one of those "it was all fake" endings, or that the artists would drug their victim and apply makeup to make him think he had been tortured. That would have been just horrible.

Random Acts of Senseless Violence

Jack Womack's Random Acts of Senseless Violence is not a feelgood novel.

The book takes the form of the diary of Lola, a 12-year old girl growing up in the dystopian near-future New York that is the setting of many of Womack's stories: riots in Harlem, the Army dealing with Long Island insurgents, the 14 Street Wall.

The downward spiral of Lola and her family as they run out of first money, then options, is sure to tug on a heartstring or two. Stylistically, the form works well, with Lola's voice getting more and more street-level as things go on.

Desperation, poverty, racism, and yes, violence. Highly recommended.

Hermit In Paris

America in the 50s and 60s viewed through the eyes of an Italian Communist.

Italo Calvino's collection of autobiographical essays, Hermit in Paris, has many intriguing essays: his soul-searching over Stalin, his portrait of Mussolini, the occasional soliloquy over a favorite town. A few of the more political essays, as well as the ones dealing with his peers, become tedious.

The highlight of the collection is of course the diary of his travels across the United States, especially his time in New York dealing with different publishers. This would make a fine standalone book, and is recommended for all who like the American travelogues of writers (e.g. Democracy in America, Air-Conditioned Nightmare).

Romance and Cigarettes

Queens: The musical!

James Gandolfini as a two-timing construction worker. Susan Sarandon is the wife, Kate Winslet is the coarse-talking Irish slu--- er, lover. Steve Buscemi is the husband's coworker, Eddie Izzard is the wife's choir leader. Christopher Walken, in one of his more distinctive roles, plays the Elvis-obsessed cousin of Susan Sarandon, himself jilted (losing a woman to The Greek) and eager to help her get revenge.

This is a musical set in Queens, about blue-collar types, set to an eclectic selection of pop hits. It is a very Manhattan view of Queens as well: the men are oafs, the women are decked out in trailer park gear, everyone is ugly and talks like they were raised by Archie Bunker.

In short, a must must see. And I'm not just saying that because I live in Queens.

For some reason the tone of this film reminds me of Crime Wave, though I can't quite place why. Maybe the musical mayhem in one and the cartoonish violence in the other strike the same (off) chord.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Romance & Cigarettes (IMDB)

Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]

Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]

Scene I'd watch on endless loop: "Why, why, why, Delilah?"

Breeders

Wow, this one is pretty bad. A man in a gimp suit is raping every virgin in Manhattan (hence the film's short running time), impregnating them with black slime and leaving a post-hypnotic suggestion for them to attend his midnight basement jacuzzi party. A young doctor and a cop use every stilted line and cliche at their disposal in a futile attempt to prove the existence of a scriptwriter, ultimately leaving the audience to make that leap of faith on their own.

Everything bad about 80s movies is in this one. Bad acting. Big hair. Awful clothes. Synth soundtrack. Questionable sets. Implausible events. On the plus side, the virgins share a rare allergy to underwear, and shuck their clothes at every scene change.

* * * R A T I N G * * *
Breeders (IMDB)

Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]

What I would do different: Spend the ten bucks to have someone write a script.

Scene I'd watch on endless loop: Breeder chicks in an alien hot-tub filled with milky-white fluid.

Memories I want to erase: Those tan lines!

Fingers

Part two of Saturday's lineup.

Harvey Keitel plays a classical pianist who does occasional collection work for his small-time loanshark dad. This is one of Keitel's best performances: 'Fingers' is a sociopath who constantly blasts 'Summertime' on his portable radio, beats a pizza shop owner in front of his son, rapes (or was she asking for it?) Tanya Roberts in a bathroom, leers at a nearby young girl while trying to talk his way out of being arrested, and stalks and rapes (or was *she* asking for it?) Tisa Farrow for her vacant stare. You don't like the guy, you're amazed that more characters onscreen aren't kicking three kinds of crap out of him, and you don't think you'll like where it's all going to end up.

Where it's all going to end up is obvious from the moment Dad says "hey, by the way, that last job is going to be tough: the guy stuck a gun in my ear when I came for my money", but Keitel's performance of the ostensibly conflicted and genuinely unstable 'Fingers' is fantastic enough to keep you watching. Knowing Keitel's reputation as a method actor, you have to wonder what lengths he went to when preparing for this film. Especially during the prostate exam.

All in all, a fine and vastly underrated film.

* * * R A T I N G * * *
Fingers (IMDB)

Wince : [**___] (-1 * for being a sociopath)
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]

Brain Damage

Part one of saturday night's double feature.

Oh man, if I had known that this was another offering from Frankenhooker auteur Frank Henenlotter (I just realized how many letters of his name are in that title!), I would have been much more forgiving of the initial badly-acted scenes.

This movie became classic the instant Aylmer, a purple parasitic brainstem (hmm, sounds like a college drink) climbs up on the main character's shoulder and says hello in his (its?) silky voice. The movie has huge anti-drug overtones: Aylmer injects super-addicitive blue liquid into his host's spinal cord which causes them to hallucinate (colors!) while he kills (other) people. Aylmer generally lives in whats-his-name's shirt, though occasionally he ventures down south, leading up to the infamous 'fellatio scene' which is truly what puts this movie on the map.

Alymer carries the movie, leaving you uncaring about the human cast (much as he/it is). I heartily recommend subjecting an unsuspecting victim to this movie.

* * * R A T I N G * * *
Brain Damage (IMDB)

Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]