Imprint

Billy Drago returns to 19th-century Japan to find the woman that he loved and abandoned years before. He has tracked her down to an island inhabited only by demons and whores, where a disfigured prostitute explains to him the (naturally horrific) fate that befell her.

This is everything you want in a Takashi Miike film. The acting is very, very poor. The torture is very, very good. The ending is very, very odd. Maestro!

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Masters of Horror: Imprint (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [****_]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]

Line that sticks with you: "Do I have your attention now, mister?"

Position on the Audition-Needle-O-Meter: Off the scale.

Persepolis

There's not much to say about Persepolis: it is the (animated) film adaptation of Marjane Satrapi's semi-autobiographical comics about life as an Iranian ex-pat (and pre-ex-pat and ex-ex-pat), and it is excellent.

Obviously there is good culture insight on the difference between Tehran and Vienna or Paris, as well as the impact of Western culture on Iranian citizens during and after the Islamic Revolution. Marjane pursues rock, punk, alcohol, and partying as a form of rebellion against the state authority that executed her neighbors and family members; this alienates her in Iran as much as being Iranian alienates her in the West.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Persepolis (IMDB)

Wince : [_____]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [_____]
Gape : [*____]

Beerequisite : [_____]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [****_]

Colma: The Musical

Colma: the indie musical! That's either two reasons to love it or two reasons to hate it, depending on your taste.

The story itself is straight-up indie belated-coming-of-age tale: angsty post-high-school kids hunt for jobs, struggle with relationships, and try to move out of their parent's place. Who needs suspension of disbelief? This stuff happens every day!

The sense of unreality, therefore, must be enforced with musical numbers. Some of them are flat and uninspired, seemingly supplied out of genre necessity ('Colma Stays', 'Crash the Party'); some poke fun at indie films, Colma included ('Friend Joseph' aka 'Quirky, Quirky, Quirky'); and some are just plain fun ('Goodbye Stupid').

What is there to say? You'll hate it if you hate musicals, you'll hate it if you hate indie coming-of-age films, and you'll either hate it or like it otherwise. Personally, I hated the first half but liked the second half, when the tone seemed to change from whiney to humourous.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Colma: The Muscial (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]

Cloverfield

Hyped in Manhattan, hated by Ron Jeremy*, compared with Blair Witch due to its "found footage" approach.

This is a simple film: a monster is rampaging through Manhattan, the main characters are idiots, everyone dies. The film's big money shot, the head of the Statue of Liberty getting rolled down some LES street, is shown fairly early to let you know that it's time to just sit back and watch everyone get killed.

Very enjoyable, for what it is -- what it is being a monster movie with no script to speak of and a lot of shaky camera work (which, if you follow modern cinema at all, shouldn't bother you). Seeing it in Manhattan makes you leave the theater cringing, constantly on the lookout for CGI tentacle-legs to come crushing down from above.

The monster is a vague CGI thing that seems different every time it appears (oops?), the introductory party/romance scene is far too long and dull, and the character with the camera not only fails to point it in the right direction, but is so annoying that you find yourself pray he dies so that someone else can take a turn behind the lens.

All in all: fun to watch, more fun to bitch about at the pub afterwards.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Cloverfield (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [_____]
Explicability : [**___]

* Ron Jeremy does not appear in or around this film; He simply expressed His great Displeasure at a book-signing shortly after seeing this.

Red Handkerchief

After killing a witness during a scuffle at the police station, ambitious young policeman Mikami is force to resign. He leaves Tokyo only to be found by a colleague, years later, eeking out a guilt-ridden existence as a guitar-playing laborer and drifter.

Convinced to return to Tokyo, Mikami finds his former (and also forcibly-retired) partner has become a successful, and smells something fowl. He uses his old street smarts to scour the Tokyo underground for answers, often getting beat up for singing the title song.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Akai hankachi (IMDB)

Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [*____]

Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]

Long Dream

A patient at a rather run-down hospital is troubled by dreams of increasingly longer length: in a single night, the patient will live hours, days, years. As the duration of the dreams increases, the doctors begin to wonder what will happen when his dreams become infinitely long.

Basically a well-thought out Outer Limits episode, with about the same quality of acting and effects. Fun though.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Nagai yume (IMDB)

Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [***__]

I Stand Alone

The touching story of the budding relationship between a man and his gun.

A butcher finds himself alone in the world after his release from prison. He tries to make a new start in life, moving in with his pregnant mistress and her mother, but cannot silence the inner voice that fuels his hostility. He returns to Paris to search for work and his daughter, and finds himself alone and desperate in an hourly-rate hotel room.

Despite its reputation for extremity and the danger-danger "You have 30 seconds to leave the theater" warning, there is nothing truly shocking in this film -- as a viewer, you can see it all coming well in advance (except for Pachebel's Canon, introduced at an entirely unexpected moment).

Gritty, misanthropic, a muttering curse of a movie that sets itself against all that is good, nice, and complacent. Highly recommended.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Seul contre tous (IMDB)

Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]

The Peeping Tom

Are you a peeping tom? Well, you're going to feel like one at the start of this movie! The opening sequence is from a camera focussed on the legs of pedestrians. From there the film moves on to the obligatory woman-masturbating-in-a-shower scene, then the girls undressing scene, and so forth. Really puts you in the right frame of mind for what follows: fixating on women's legs is normal, right?

What makes this movie work is the serial killer himself: a delightfully sociopathic performance. The teashades, the cut-here dotted lines drawn on victims with a sharpie, the total disregard for -- well, for just about everything.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Chik juk ging wan (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [**___]

The Taste of Tea

A family drama, and a bit of a dress rehearsal for Funky Forest (including as actors Guitar Brother and one of the duo of galactic comedians). Character-driven surrealism culminating in a sunflower supernova.

The inimitable Yamada from Sharkskin Man, Peach Hip Girl provides another memorable performance here as the eccentric grandfather who drives everyone else's success -- including the production what may be the most irritating, and at the same time most catchy, pop songs to be featured in a film.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Cha no aji (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]

Killing Time (24/7)

The first thing you say to yourself when watching this film is "Wait, it's not dubbed."

The second is "Holy crap, does that guy piss a lot!"

Jake is a hired killer (more glorified terms such as hitman or assassin would imply some sort of skill or planning involved in his work) who lives (and sleeps?) with his sister. Sex, violence, and family issues with the more bloody scenes curiously replaced with low-quality animation.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Killing Time (24/7) (IMDB)

Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]

Freaked

Bill S. Preston, Esq., brings you this timely meditation on the price of fame. Washed-up actor Ricky Coogan sells out to endorse lethal chemical Zyglot-24 for the EES corporation. In the course of attempting to seduce an activist protesting the product, he ends up getting captured and freakified by circus showman Randy Quaid.

Countless sight gags and cameos abound as Ricky attempts to save his fellow freaks (including Mr T as the bearded lady, and Bobcat Goldthwait as a man with a sock-puppet for a head) with the help of his annoying troll soulmate, Stuey. Incidentally, Freaked contains some of Keanu's finest acting in an uncredited role as Ortiz the revolutionary dog-boy.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Freaked (IMDB)

Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [***__]

Memorable lines:
"Ugly enough to burn the nose hairs off a dead nun."
"I just laid a turd that's the spitting image of Kim Basinger. she's naked too!"
"Rastafar-eye!"

Black Christmas

The original "the calls are coming from inside the house!" slasher movie.

Black Christmas is an unexpected delight, a nearly perfect horror film. The killer is never seen directly, only in silhouette with the occasional creepy shot of his eye peering out of the shadows. There is no justification for the killer's actions, no backstory to explain his crazed Billy and Agnes rantings on the phone, and no attempt at all to pretend he has been killed or caught at the end.

There is no need to explain the plot -- serial killer breaks into sorority house and starts doing his thing -- but some of the characters are quite noteworthy. Barb steals the show as an alcoholic broken-home sorority girl with an acerbic wit. Jessica puts in a good performance as the Empowered Woman who argues to her boyfriend that yes, by damn, she will have that abortion because there is still a lot in life she wants to do. Finally, Mrs Mac, the matronly lady in charge of the girls and guardian of their morals, has more bottles hidden than the guy from Lost Weekend.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Black Christmas (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]

Drunken Angel

An early Kurosawa gem set, like Stray Dog, in post-World War II Japan.

An alcoholic doctor treats the yakuza Matsunaga (Toshiro Mifue) for a bullet wound, and discovers he has TB. Matsunaga refuses to change his lifestyle to undergo treatment, preferring to continue his tough-guy ways of drinking, womanizing, fighting, and gambling.

The doc gives him the "dying of TB is not glamorous you idiot" speech, which helps things a little until Matsunaga's former boss is released from jail and starts to retake control of his former territory. Matsunaga soon realizes he is not as powerful in the gang as he thought, and makes a half-hearted (the other half of that heart having been eaten up by TB, no doubt) attempt at redemption.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Yoidore tenshi (IMDB)

Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [*____]

Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]

Jigoku

Two students hit-and-run a drunken yakuza on a back road in the middle of the night, leaving him dead and his mother and wife out for revenge. The students immediately become a good/bad angel pair; the good one tries to fix things but only finds himself with more and more blood on his hands, while the bad one delights in thwarting the attempts of the good one to redeem himself.

Eventually everyone dies and they end up in hell, where they witness and endure the tortures of the damned.

There's really not much more to say than that. The Hell sequences are surreal and gory enough for the time, but will not prove terribly striking to a modern audience. The demonic bad student, however, is fun to watch.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Jigoku (IMDB)

Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [**___]

Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]

Red Angel

The perfect antidote to a smarmy M*A*S*H marathon, this film covers the adventures of a Japanese army nurse in China during World War II. First she is raped, then falls in love with an amputee, then ends up at the front lines where she falls in love with a n impotent morphine-addicted sawbones.

Early amputation scenes made me consider adding a squirm rating; though not particularly graphic, the sounds and imagery were suggestive enough to induce chair-writhing.

The final battle, with its alternating scenes of troops waiting for the enemy attack and the consummation of the nurse/doctor love affair, provided considerable tension not normally found in horror-of-war movies.

* * * R A T I N G * * *

Akai tenshi (IMDB)

Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]

Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]