Jarmusch's latest is a throwback to his early, pre-Ghost Dog days. You remember -- back when his films were worth watching.
Sure, it's a two-hour meander, following an uncommunicative character around Spain in a series of amusingly repetitive spy-movie encounters. Plot and character are superfluous: one gets the impression that Jarmusch is speaking directly to the audience through the various set-pieces, rather than trying to capture an elusive mood or idea.
What violence and crime (or is it politics?) there is remains completely stylized. And not stylized in an unconvincing, "I've never seen a real fight" Fassbinder way. Stylized in a "you get the idea, we don't need to show it" way.
Slow. Pointless. Clever. Enjoyable.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Limits of Control (IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [*____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*____]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [*____]
Explicability : [**___]
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
booklog
n+1 #7
The Death of Virgil, Broch. Covered elsewhere.
The Woman Who Cut Off Her Leg at the Maidstone Club, Slavin. Surprisingly dull and unsurprising stories, given the subject matter.
The End of Mr Y, Thomas. This one really sounds like a fun ride: a cursed book whose readers die mysteriously, dimensional travel, communication with spirits and the afterlife, a literary mystery. So why is it such a horrible read? It just comes across as unconvincing. Even quite-probable details like the promiscuity of the main character come across as tales told by a chronic liar, when handled by this author. And the giant mouse spirit guide who's kept alive by a group of schoolkids running a webpage -- come on, that's just silly.
Vital Speeches of the Day, Jan '09, Feb '09
Emerson: Mind On Fire, Richardson. A mighty tome, containing everything there is to know about the life of Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Lapham's Quarterly, Vol 1 #3: "Book of Nature"
The Essays, or Counsels Civil and Moral, Francis Bacon.
Anthony and Cleopatra, The Oxford Shakespeare.
Time Famine, Olsen. Quite disappointing, given how long I've been trying to find a copy of this book. Perhaps I should have read it when it came out back in the 90s, before I got critical of writing styles where every noun has its adjective (if not a family of them), where descriptive sentences tend toward the comma-delimited run-on, and where the generally fun use of proper nouns as adjectives becomes redundant, even oppressive.
Autobiography and Other Writings, Benjamin Franklin (Oxford)
Lost Christianities, Bart Ehrman.
The Atlas, Vollmann. Essays of travels to the third world (and, uh, San Francisco) that would be much more enjoyable if Vollman could either go all the way with his attempts at stream-of-consciousness, or abandon it altogether. And if the subject of every story wasn't in some way or other about Vollman getting laid, trying to get laid, or failing to get laid. The only thing more disturbing than the number of times he tells a woman with whom he shares no common language "I love you" is that he may be simple enough to believe it himself.
Lapham's Quarterly, Vol 2 #1: "Eros"
The Tempest, Norton Critical Edition.
The Death of Virgil, Broch. Covered elsewhere.
The Woman Who Cut Off Her Leg at the Maidstone Club, Slavin. Surprisingly dull and unsurprising stories, given the subject matter.
The End of Mr Y, Thomas. This one really sounds like a fun ride: a cursed book whose readers die mysteriously, dimensional travel, communication with spirits and the afterlife, a literary mystery. So why is it such a horrible read? It just comes across as unconvincing. Even quite-probable details like the promiscuity of the main character come across as tales told by a chronic liar, when handled by this author. And the giant mouse spirit guide who's kept alive by a group of schoolkids running a webpage -- come on, that's just silly.
Vital Speeches of the Day, Jan '09, Feb '09
Emerson: Mind On Fire, Richardson. A mighty tome, containing everything there is to know about the life of Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Lapham's Quarterly, Vol 1 #3: "Book of Nature"
The Essays, or Counsels Civil and Moral, Francis Bacon.
Anthony and Cleopatra, The Oxford Shakespeare.
Time Famine, Olsen. Quite disappointing, given how long I've been trying to find a copy of this book. Perhaps I should have read it when it came out back in the 90s, before I got critical of writing styles where every noun has its adjective (if not a family of them), where descriptive sentences tend toward the comma-delimited run-on, and where the generally fun use of proper nouns as adjectives becomes redundant, even oppressive.
Autobiography and Other Writings, Benjamin Franklin (Oxford)
Lost Christianities, Bart Ehrman.
The Atlas, Vollmann. Essays of travels to the third world (and, uh, San Francisco) that would be much more enjoyable if Vollman could either go all the way with his attempts at stream-of-consciousness, or abandon it altogether. And if the subject of every story wasn't in some way or other about Vollman getting laid, trying to get laid, or failing to get laid. The only thing more disturbing than the number of times he tells a woman with whom he shares no common language "I love you" is that he may be simple enough to believe it himself.
Lapham's Quarterly, Vol 2 #1: "Eros"
The Tempest, Norton Critical Edition.
Teeth
Ah yes, the vagina dentata. Feared foe of virile young men since... some time ago when they spoke Latin.
The story is straightforward, as one would expect: girl is born with two sets of teeth, reaches adolescence, and every boy with less than pure intentions gets emasculated with extreme prejudice. Yawn.
Good script, good visuals, and some jabs at abstinence-only education end up making this film a lot more enjoyable than it would seem. The vagina dentata itself does not, alas, make an on-screen appearance, which is a bit disturbing given the number of dismembered members bouncing around the floor, but understandable once the director has explained that his mentor was Camille Paglia.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Teeth (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
The story is straightforward, as one would expect: girl is born with two sets of teeth, reaches adolescence, and every boy with less than pure intentions gets emasculated with extreme prejudice. Yawn.
Good script, good visuals, and some jabs at abstinence-only education end up making this film a lot more enjoyable than it would seem. The vagina dentata itself does not, alas, make an on-screen appearance, which is a bit disturbing given the number of dismembered members bouncing around the floor, but understandable once the director has explained that his mentor was Camille Paglia.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Teeth (IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Mindflesh
A cab driver obsessively records his sightings of a hallucinatory woman, who he ends up having sex with, and who turns out to be his own mind, the (truly) inexplicable result of his mother having drunken sex with him and then killing herself. This (the sex with the woman, that is, his own mind) pisses off the guardians of the galaxy (or dimension or plane or whatnot), ostensibly because he is not facing his trauma (but is instead shagging it?), so they start killing off his friends/acquaintances/former employers in order to make him "face his trauma" (this is the only clear part, as it is repeated ad nauseum towards the end), which he does at the end (by remembering his mom having sex with him) just in time to save his ex-girlfriend, patch up his relationship with her, and mail off his manuscript (which is undoubtedly the screenplay for the film).
That about sums it up. The film starts off well, good psychosexual-thriller or whatever it calls itself, but unravels horribly when it attempts to explain what is going on. Everything but the kitchen sink gets thrown in by the end, in an apparent attempt to impress the viewer with the sheer number of concepts introduced. Tough to imagine the chemical cocktail that drove this screenplay, though the tendency of each scene to ignore the entire rest of the movie argues against anything they give the kids for ADD.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mindflesh (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [********...there's not enough beer in the world.
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Notable visuals: Maggot crotch.
That about sums it up. The film starts off well, good psychosexual-thriller or whatever it calls itself, but unravels horribly when it attempts to explain what is going on. Everything but the kitchen sink gets thrown in by the end, in an apparent attempt to impress the viewer with the sheer number of concepts introduced. Tough to imagine the chemical cocktail that drove this screenplay, though the tendency of each scene to ignore the entire rest of the movie argues against anything they give the kids for ADD.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Mindflesh (IMDB)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [*****]
Beerequisite : [********...there's not enough beer in the world.
Pornability : [****_]
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Notable visuals: Maggot crotch.
Goodbye, Dragon Inn
When a director like Ming-liang Tsai produces a personal ode to the bygone days of theatergoing, you know you're in for a long, slow ride -- and Goodbye, Dragon Inn does not disappoint.
It's hard to describe this film as bad: it is beautifully shot, well-acted, and exudes quality craftsmanship. At the same time, it is pretentious garbage: nothing happens, there is no real story, it is entirely a mood piece. The first line of dialog is about 45 minutes into the film, and the end features an overlong (roughly 10 minutes) shot of the empty movie theater. The film is hard to love, and hard to hate.
The DVD, however, has a nice extra: The Skywalk Is Gone, which serves to link What Time Is It There and The Wayward Cloud (including the audition of Hsiao-kang for his first porn film).
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bu San (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [_____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Best running gag: The unlit cigarette.
It's hard to describe this film as bad: it is beautifully shot, well-acted, and exudes quality craftsmanship. At the same time, it is pretentious garbage: nothing happens, there is no real story, it is entirely a mood piece. The first line of dialog is about 45 minutes into the film, and the end features an overlong (roughly 10 minutes) shot of the empty movie theater. The film is hard to love, and hard to hate.
The DVD, however, has a nice extra: The Skywalk Is Gone, which serves to link What Time Is It There and The Wayward Cloud (including the audition of Hsiao-kang for his first porn film).
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Bu San (IMDB)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [_____]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [_____]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [*____]
Best running gag: The unlit cigarette.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Ben Franklin, dolphin eater
- Friday, Sept. 2.
- This morning the wind changed; a little fair. We caught a couple of dolphins, and fried them for dinner. They eat indifferent well.
- Wednesday, Sept. 7.
- The wind is somewhat abated, but the sea is very high still. A dolphin kept us company all this afternoon; we struck at him several times, but could not take him.
Friday, Sept. 9.
This afternoon we took four large dolphins, three with a hook and line, and the fourth we struck with a fizgig. The bait was a candle with two feathers stuck in it, one on each side, in imitation of a flying-fish, which are the common prey of the dolphins. They appeared extremely eager and hungry, and snapped up the hook as soon as ever it touched the water. When we came to open them, we found in the belly of one a small dolphin, half digested. Certainly they were half-famished, or are naturally very savage, to devour those of their own species.
- Saturday, Sept. 10.
- This day we dined upon the dollphins we caught yesterday, three of them sufficing the whole ship, being twenty-one persons.
Ben Franklin's Journal: Voyage
Friday, January 30, 2009
Death of Virgil
It would be remiss not to devote an entire post to a book that took nearly a year to finish.
The work in question is Herman Broch's The Death of Virgil, which is much less a novel than it is a weapon of last resort developed in concentration camps for use against the Nazis.
The book is written in stream of consciousness fashion -- think Finnegan's Wake with half the cleverness and twice the pretension. Bosch attempts to capture the complexity of a classical symphony in language: recurring themes, exaggeration of tempo, and so forth. What this boils down to are highly repetitive sentences of amazing length -- some so many pages long that they have to be broken up arbitrarily into paragraphs, probably due to some publisher's equivalent of the Geneva Conventions.
It is this grandiose goal which proves the downfall of the novel, for it has quite good things to say about the nature of art, the duty of the artist, and the philosophy of death, as it were. Barring the exceedingly distracting hallucinatory episodes, there is a compelling portrait of Virgil and his times. With some restraint, either limiting the too-clever-by-half use of language, or leaving it to another (hopefully shorter) work, this could have been quite a powerful novel.
In the end, it is a prime candidate for the Emersonian technique: skim the book lightly and quickly, letting your eyes discover for themselves what they may, rather than attempting any deep or thorough immersion in the text.
The work in question is Herman Broch's The Death of Virgil, which is much less a novel than it is a weapon of last resort developed in concentration camps for use against the Nazis.
The book is written in stream of consciousness fashion -- think Finnegan's Wake with half the cleverness and twice the pretension. Bosch attempts to capture the complexity of a classical symphony in language: recurring themes, exaggeration of tempo, and so forth. What this boils down to are highly repetitive sentences of amazing length -- some so many pages long that they have to be broken up arbitrarily into paragraphs, probably due to some publisher's equivalent of the Geneva Conventions.
It is this grandiose goal which proves the downfall of the novel, for it has quite good things to say about the nature of art, the duty of the artist, and the philosophy of death, as it were. Barring the exceedingly distracting hallucinatory episodes, there is a compelling portrait of Virgil and his times. With some restraint, either limiting the too-clever-by-half use of language, or leaving it to another (hopefully shorter) work, this could have been quite a powerful novel.
In the end, it is a prime candidate for the Emersonian technique: skim the book lightly and quickly, letting your eyes discover for themselves what they may, rather than attempting any deep or thorough immersion in the text.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
booklog
Christopher Marlowe: Poet and Spy, Honan. Good, but a bit too academic for the casual reader.
Nothing Like The Sun, Burgess. Shakespeare considered as a protagonist. Enjoyable, especially in tandem with the above.
Electric Church, Somers. Truly painfully-written first novel in the cyberpunk vein; I damn near developed a tic in the first chapter, I was wincing so often. Good idea-fiction, though, and by the end of the novel I was enjoying myself immensely.
Tin House #37
On Writing, King. A short biography and a short reminisce on the trade of writing by the only man who can be said to truly understand it. Highly, highly recommended, and not just for aspiring writers.
Down and Out in Shoreditch and Hoxton, Home. I generally like Stewart Home and his de Sade style of porno-philosophic writing: Red London, Slow Death, and 69 Things To Do With a Dead Princess were all excellent. Down and Out, with its Orwell-inspired title (but not theme, unfortunately), was quite a disappointment.
In Praise of Folly, Erasmus. I can't recall what made me read this again, but it was mostly as bad as the first time. There are 10 or 20 good pages about 50 pages in, but for the most part it is only of historical (read: academic) interest.
The Moon and Sixpence, Maugham. One of the best books there is about a misanthrope.
The Productive Programmer, Ford. Tips on being a more productive programmer. If you need to read it, then you definitely should.
Nothing Like The Sun, Burgess. Shakespeare considered as a protagonist. Enjoyable, especially in tandem with the above.
Electric Church, Somers. Truly painfully-written first novel in the cyberpunk vein; I damn near developed a tic in the first chapter, I was wincing so often. Good idea-fiction, though, and by the end of the novel I was enjoying myself immensely.
Tin House #37
On Writing, King. A short biography and a short reminisce on the trade of writing by the only man who can be said to truly understand it. Highly, highly recommended, and not just for aspiring writers.
Down and Out in Shoreditch and Hoxton, Home. I generally like Stewart Home and his de Sade style of porno-philosophic writing: Red London, Slow Death, and 69 Things To Do With a Dead Princess were all excellent. Down and Out, with its Orwell-inspired title (but not theme, unfortunately), was quite a disappointment.
In Praise of Folly, Erasmus. I can't recall what made me read this again, but it was mostly as bad as the first time. There are 10 or 20 good pages about 50 pages in, but for the most part it is only of historical (read: academic) interest.
The Moon and Sixpence, Maugham. One of the best books there is about a misanthrope.
The Productive Programmer, Ford. Tips on being a more productive programmer. If you need to read it, then you definitely should.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Shamo
This adaptation of a manga about a fighter would have been better served by abandoning its source material entirely. The story (a young man gets sent to prison for killing his parents and emerges a tough martial artist) and the character (a vicious, wronged thug who lacks the wits or skill to win a match) are good enough to sustain interest, but the exposition and the lack of any cohesion to the scenes ultimately make the film a bit of a disappointment.
From the director of Dog Bite Dog, one would expect a gritty, grim tale, and indeed one is provided: Shamo must mean "shat upon by society". Nice touches abound throughout: the Johnny Walker-swilling sensei, the gaudily-dressed prostitute love(?)-interest, and even The Beast (Kung Fu Hustle) as the head of the top martial arts gym.
Ranks with Zebraman for one of the best martial arts finishing moves out there.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Shamo (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
From the director of Dog Bite Dog, one would expect a gritty, grim tale, and indeed one is provided: Shamo must mean "shat upon by society". Nice touches abound throughout: the Johnny Walker-swilling sensei, the gaudily-dressed prostitute love(?)-interest, and even The Beast (Kung Fu Hustle) as the head of the top martial arts gym.
Ranks with Zebraman for one of the best martial arts finishing moves out there.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Shamo (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [****_]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [**___]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
The Most Beautiful Night in the World
What does one expect, exactly, from a three-hour movie about sex?
Well, certainly not two hours of a newly-transferred reporter trying to earn his way back to the city by finding a scoop on any one of the village locals.
The story basically goes as follows. Many years ago, the Jomon tribe maintained an paralleled birth rate due to their use of powerful aphrodisiacs. Eventually, they were slaughtered by jealous neighboring tribes who weren't getting laid. Years later, a medium with a lethal embrace and a terrorist master of the art of hung fu rediscover the source of the Jomon's power.
There's a lot going on in this movie, but very little to tell: it's good, it's fun, it's unique, and it makes you want to save the world through shagging.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Most Beautiful Night in the World (NYAFF)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Catchphrase: Jomon Power!
Well, certainly not two hours of a newly-transferred reporter trying to earn his way back to the city by finding a scoop on any one of the village locals.
The story basically goes as follows. Many years ago, the Jomon tribe maintained an paralleled birth rate due to their use of powerful aphrodisiacs. Eventually, they were slaughtered by jealous neighboring tribes who weren't getting laid. Years later, a medium with a lethal embrace and a terrorist master of the art of hung fu rediscover the source of the Jomon's power.
There's a lot going on in this movie, but very little to tell: it's good, it's fun, it's unique, and it makes you want to save the world through shagging.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Most Beautiful Night in the World (NYAFF)
Wince : [*____]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [***__]
Obscurity : [***__]
Explicability : [****_]
Catchphrase: Jomon Power!
Mad Detective
A detective solves crimes by a combination of method acting and being able to see people's true selves. Of course, he can also see his former wife, and nobody else can -- but that doesn't mean he's crazy, right?
Things get interesting when the obvious villain of the piece appears, all seven personalities (played by some Johnnie To regulars) in tow. The Mad Detective teams up with a young, ambitious cop to help him solve the case of ... the Missing Gun. Well, the case involves a Murdered Policeman as well, but no-one seems to care, really.
Good crazy police fun, if a bit disorderly at times.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sun taam (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Things get interesting when the obvious villain of the piece appears, all seven personalities (played by some Johnnie To regulars) in tow. The Mad Detective teams up with a young, ambitious cop to help him solve the case of ... the Missing Gun. Well, the case involves a Murdered Policeman as well, but no-one seems to care, really.
Good crazy police fun, if a bit disorderly at times.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Sun taam (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
The Butcher
How bad is bad? Pretty bad, apparently.
Shot in POV on a low-resolution camera, this grainy mess had the potential to be a convincing simu-snuff film: five victims with cameras tied to their heads await their turn to be tortured, in pairs, as evidence of the head honcho's cinematic genius.
All of the elements of good torture porn are here: the (too-long) buildup as the victims hear their companions be slaughtered (albeit rather quickly), the "do or die" session where a victim is granted his freedom if he can stand the pain, and the inevitable loss of loyalty to friends, family, and country that comes with being tortured. And a gimp^H^H^H^Hbutcher in a pig's mask whose special technique has less to do with a chainsaw and more to do with a grunting prison nightmare.
Unfortunately, the first two thirds of this movie are wasted in a POV shot of someone's feet accompanied by frantic panting noises, and the last third is wasted in a POV shot of someone driving a car. Sandwiched in between, briefly, are a couple of bloody but not terribly cringeworthy scenes involving a chainsaw (who the hell tortures with a chainsaw, anyways?), a hammer, and a knife. Nope, not even a scalpel.
Oh, and expect the usual unconvincing acting (even in Korean!) and poor subtitles.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Butcher (NYAFF)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____] (**, depending on your tastes)
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Shot in POV on a low-resolution camera, this grainy mess had the potential to be a convincing simu-snuff film: five victims with cameras tied to their heads await their turn to be tortured, in pairs, as evidence of the head honcho's cinematic genius.
All of the elements of good torture porn are here: the (too-long) buildup as the victims hear their companions be slaughtered (albeit rather quickly), the "do or die" session where a victim is granted his freedom if he can stand the pain, and the inevitable loss of loyalty to friends, family, and country that comes with being tortured. And a gimp^H^H^H^Hbutcher in a pig's mask whose special technique has less to do with a chainsaw and more to do with a grunting prison nightmare.
Unfortunately, the first two thirds of this movie are wasted in a POV shot of someone's feet accompanied by frantic panting noises, and the last third is wasted in a POV shot of someone driving a car. Sandwiched in between, briefly, are a couple of bloody but not terribly cringeworthy scenes involving a chainsaw (who the hell tortures with a chainsaw, anyways?), a hammer, and a knife. Nope, not even a scalpel.
Oh, and expect the usual unconvincing acting (even in Korean!) and poor subtitles.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
The Butcher (NYAFF)
Wince : [*****]
Flinch : [***__]
Retch : [***__]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [****_]
Pornability : [*____] (**, depending on your tastes)
Obscurity : [****_]
Explicability : [**___]
Big Man Japan
Monster mockumentary about a film crew following the last of the 'Dai Nipponjin': Japanese men who, when hooked up to a power plant, grow to the size of giant monsters to defend Tokyo from the likes of Godzilla.
Times have changed, though, and the latest Dai Nipponjin commands none of the respect of his predecessors. And let's face it: he doesn't deserve it. He's dumb as a brick, he can't fight, he never trains, and his opponents could be soundly defeated by ... well, by him, or really anyone in the area who takes an interest.
Eventually the film crew becomes as disgusted with him as his agent is, and their coverage becomes more candid (and thus more humiliating) as the film goes on. We're not dealing with a sympathetic underdog, here; by the end of the film, you're rooting for his defeat along with the entire population of Tokyo.
The climax of the film arrives with Dai Nipponjin's great moment of truth, paving the way for a deus-ex-machine ending which, while gathering the largest laughs in the film, doesn't quite convince you that the producers stayed within budget.
Very fun, instant classic, all that. You'll be calling everything a Baddie after this one.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Dai Nipponjin (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____] (*** for Stinky Baddies)
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Times have changed, though, and the latest Dai Nipponjin commands none of the respect of his predecessors. And let's face it: he doesn't deserve it. He's dumb as a brick, he can't fight, he never trains, and his opponents could be soundly defeated by ... well, by him, or really anyone in the area who takes an interest.
Eventually the film crew becomes as disgusted with him as his agent is, and their coverage becomes more candid (and thus more humiliating) as the film goes on. We're not dealing with a sympathetic underdog, here; by the end of the film, you're rooting for his defeat along with the entire population of Tokyo.
The climax of the film arrives with Dai Nipponjin's great moment of truth, paving the way for a deus-ex-machine ending which, while gathering the largest laughs in the film, doesn't quite convince you that the producers stayed within budget.
Very fun, instant classic, all that. You'll be calling everything a Baddie after this one.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Dai Nipponjin (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [***__]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [****_]
Beerequisite : [**___]
Pornability : [*____] (*** for Stinky Baddies)
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [****_]
Chanbara Beauty
Inspired by a video game, y'say? Hard to tell.
There's only one way to ruin a movie about a bikini-clad cowgirl slicing up zombies in a post-apocalyptic world as she hunts down her Japanese-schoolgirl rival, and that's with exposition. Slow, plodding exposition in and around every fight scene. Which themselves are filmed in the jerky digicam style that works well for riots, gang beatings and zombies, but which screams "We couldn't get a choreographer!" when applied to martial arts.
The action is dull, the attempts to further the plot are worse, the zombies oscillate between skilled/intelligent and slow-moving/dull-witted without any discernible pattern, the bikini is too large and the sword is too small. There's just not much to like here, even the tacked-on manga-style ending.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
OneChanbara (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
There's only one way to ruin a movie about a bikini-clad cowgirl slicing up zombies in a post-apocalyptic world as she hunts down her Japanese-schoolgirl rival, and that's with exposition. Slow, plodding exposition in and around every fight scene. Which themselves are filmed in the jerky digicam style that works well for riots, gang beatings and zombies, but which screams "We couldn't get a choreographer!" when applied to martial arts.
The action is dull, the attempts to further the plot are worse, the zombies oscillate between skilled/intelligent and slow-moving/dull-witted without any discernible pattern, the bikini is too large and the sword is too small. There's just not much to like here, even the tacked-on manga-style ending.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
OneChanbara (NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [****_]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [**___]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [*****]
Pornability : [**___]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [***__]
Adrift in Tokyo
The people behind Turtles Swim Faster Than Expected bring this similarly absurdist, more pointless tale of a walkabout.
A perpetual student who is behind in his debts is visited by a collection agent who, having killed his wife and decided to surrender himself to the police, offers to forgive the debt in exchange for company on his walk to the police station.
The result is an ambling tour of Tokyo as the two characters reminisce and encounter individuals of all sorts: a violent tatami-mat vendor, an elderly costumed locker room thief, well-known actor Ittoku Kishibe, a vengeful watch repairman, a baby hippopotamus, and a roller-skating guitarist. In fact, the only people they don't run into are the three coworkers of his wife (the spy couple and ramen chef from Turtles), who try to track her down in the midst of life's daily distractions (e.g. hair smelling funny, being cast as extras in a film, etc).
Unfortunately the leisurely stroll ends about halfway through the film, as the characters bond and try to reach some form of resolution.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tenten(NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]
A perpetual student who is behind in his debts is visited by a collection agent who, having killed his wife and decided to surrender himself to the police, offers to forgive the debt in exchange for company on his walk to the police station.
The result is an ambling tour of Tokyo as the two characters reminisce and encounter individuals of all sorts: a violent tatami-mat vendor, an elderly costumed locker room thief, well-known actor Ittoku Kishibe, a vengeful watch repairman, a baby hippopotamus, and a roller-skating guitarist. In fact, the only people they don't run into are the three coworkers of his wife (the spy couple and ramen chef from Turtles), who try to track her down in the midst of life's daily distractions (e.g. hair smelling funny, being cast as extras in a film, etc).
Unfortunately the leisurely stroll ends about halfway through the film, as the characters bond and try to reach some form of resolution.
* * * R A T I N G * * *
Tenten(NYAFF, IMDB)
Wince : [**___]
Flinch : [**___]
Retch : [*____]
Gape : [***__]
Beerequisite : [***__]
Pornability : [*____]
Obscurity : [**___]
Explicability : [**___]
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